Okay....Imagine, if you will, an alternate universe....Mostly things are the same except they extract eggs and sperm to make babies, and they think about sex a bit differently. Of all the sexual possibilities, what our universe calls sex is intercourse. In this alternate universe, when people say "sex", they mean that the woman's clitoris is grinded on the base of the penis (where it connects to the balls) - until orgasm. This is the general definition of sex in this alternate universe. But, grinding the clit onto the lower pelvis where it meets the penis or on the inner thigh close to where it meets the penis would also be considered sex - just different positions. Oral sex, manual stimulation, and intercourse all also exist, but are not the common type of "real sex" that is depicted and discussed so commonly in movies, TV, books, porn, and songs.
Okay, so in this universe a few things are common knowledge:
- Women average 3 to 7 minutes to reach orgasm. Men average about 25 minutes.
- Only about 20 - 30% of men on surveys claim to orgasm from sex alone. 10% of men have never experienced an orgasm.
- Men on average watch porn less often, masturbate less, have fewer sexual fantasies, are less interested in one night stands, and generally have a lower sex drive
- Men tend to need more romance and emotional connections to feel aroused and satisfied during a sexual encounter
on how to please a man and advice books for men are largely focused on how to up his sex drive, find pleasure during sex, and how to orgasm. It is taken for granted that women need their clitoris stimulated to orgasm, it's as if you don't even have to say that. For men, the advice books always really emphasize the importance of the penis. In foreplay it should be manually or orally stimulated, and these could even be considered full sexual acts. However, these books also go on about the different positions that could make sex more pleasurable for him. For instance, if he's on top and she's rubbing against the base of his penis where it meets his leg, and at a particular angle, the penis is in a position to get more stimulation against her navel. Yay for him! Oh and by the way, what's great about that position is that it not only gives him some penile stimulation, but he can also put pressure on the inner base of the penis. Most people believe that the inner base of the penis (the part that extends inside the body a bit) is the "K-spot." The idea is that the K-spot allows a deeper caressing of the penis that accounts for a deeper, more full bodied orgasm than the penile orgasm does. It is, of course, not an orgasm that all men seem to be able to achieve, although there's not much research on the subject. Most advice books will tell you that the majority of men need penile stimulation in order to orgasm, even as they sing the praises of k-spot stimulating sex positions.
Strangely though, if you really look into the research of this culture you would find that men can orgasm as fast and easily as women when they masturbate, and the way men masturbate doesn't look a lot like how they have sex. Also, there has been no recorded case of a male orgasm (the defined physiological kind - not some oo-ey goo-ey emotional or spiritual definition of it) through "k-spot" stimulation, even though it seems like there are plenty of men - in porn and movies and stuff like that - that have them all the time.
If you think this alternate universe seems kinda blind and clueless, well.....
I was chillin' and illin' at a bookstore recently, and was drawn towards the Sex and Relationships section as is my tendency. For years, while researching for this movie, I've always checked up on this section. I figure I should check up on what the current advice is the ol' s-e-x. Actually I've never been too worked up about most of the info in those books - most of it's probably fine. I just want to check the part about intercourse and female orgasms. That's where I thought of writing this post - cause sometimes I get a little frustrated. These books and any other media on the topic (save for a select few long forgotten 70's feminist writings - post Masters and Johnson's Human Sexual Response but pre The G-Spot and Other Recent Discoveries about Human Sexuality) just don't have the labe (that's may new favorite term - using labe as in labia instead of balls. Lips works too.) to make the bold and accurate statement about female orgasm that needs to be made.